1. Bringing up the idea to your mate.

Q. I would like to start swinging but I'm not sure how to bring the idea to my mate?

A. Most people are hesitant to bring up their fantasies to their mate in fear of how they will react. Make sure you fire up your mates self esteem. You remember how it was when you first met, all those goofy little sentimental things you used to do to let them know they were your number 1. You have to be confident in your relationship. If you or your spouse are the jealous type.....if you get upset when someone is checking out your mate in public, stop right here, swinging is probably not for you at this time. I'm a firm believer you have to have 100% trust or it will just tear your relationship apart.

If you have gotten past the last part and you are ready to bring up the idea but just not sure how. Try bringing it up as a dream. We all know you can't control your dreams and they are pretty blameless. Hell, I had a dream the other night that I was having sex with my ex wife. I'd cut Thor (insert masculine penis name) off before that would ever happen. Watch how he/she reacts, if they don't come off with a sharp "that would never happen" they may be receptive to the idea. If they don't offer a response ask if they have ever dreamed or thought about it.

You can also try renting a movie in which couples are swapping and watch them together. I can't think of any particular one off the top of my head at this time but, hell, if you have cable I'm sure you'll find something. Again watch your mates reaction to see if they seem receptive.

Okay, so you've gotten past bringing up the idea. Your mate is receptive to the idea and you want to get started. Wait! make sure you discuss it for a few weeks before going any further and whatever you do don't nag them about it if they don't want to talk about it. That will only turn them against it.

2. Set some ground rules

Q. Okay we've talked about it now what?

A. I have heard all kinds of rules couples make. There is no specific set of rules of what you have to do, but, make sure you have discussed what is acceptable with you and your mate. Examples may be no kissing, not separating, no same sex (bisexual) or opposite sex contact. Just remember the rules can be anything you want them to be, but, when meeting other couples you need to be upfront from the beginning of what is or isn't acceptable to you and your mate.

 

3. Where do we meet people

Q. Where do we meet people?

A. I think the most comfortable thing about meeting others over the net is anonymity. Most of us worry about what others will think if someone found out about our lifestyle, then their are some of us that just don't give a darn.  

I have found the net to be an excellent place to meet new friends.  Let's face it, most of are pretty nice people that don't like to hurt others feelings. By trading pictures and chatting with someone online you can make a pretty good decision whether you want to take it any further.  It's a lot easier to say no online than it is to someone's face.

Jean and I have searched directories,  swingers message boards (like what's here), posted messages in newsgroups, and looked through the members profiles on AOL. Those are just a few of the many resources to look others up.